Tag Archives: Marriage

Trust Me, It’s Okay To Go To Bed Angry

Who was it who said that you should never go to bed angry? I’d like to prove this person wrong.

For many years, MrC and I took this advice to heart. Why wouldn’t we, when many people say that it’s one of the greatest secrets to a harmonious, and long-lasting marriage.

mrspcuyugan
Our secret is that we never forget to have fun together.

For people like us who are both highly opinionated and not afraid to get into arguments, this meant countless sleepless nights. It meant conversations that went around in circles. It meant finding ourselves right back at the beginning of an unresolved issue hours after it started, especially when fatigue and brain fog started settling in. Worst of all, it meant digging up issues from the past, often as last ditch efforts at winning the fight. Or, at the very least, to finally, unceremoniously, end the discussion. 

In our marriage, not going to sleep angry often involved dragging each other through the mud until we finally emerged. We were not always victorious with a compromise. Instead, the whole ordeal often would leave us feeling completely exhausted. Usually, the situation diffused when we no longer had any fight left in either of us. Trust me when I tell you, this is not a good thing. At least not for us.

mrspcuyugan
We argue a lot, and we argue often. And that is perfectly okay.

At first, falling asleep with unresolved issues between us felt scary, even uncertain. Did it mean that we would wake up angry? Would those concerns we set aside ever be settled?What if one of us woke up still annoyed, and the other wanted to make up? What then?

So many questions can go through a person’s head in the dead of the night. Especially so, when you are the one left awake, and the person next to you, the current bane of your existence, is blissfully snoring away.

If and when this ever happens to you, my advice is this: Turn your brain off and go to sleep. It won’t be easy, especially at first. You can be sure of that. But do it anyway. At least give it a try. It’s okay to go to bed angry. Things will be okay.

Your marriage will not fall apart over one argument. Or at least, it shouldn’t, especially if the issue at hand is something petty. In our case, we have slept on many major problems simply because we didn’t have the energy to keep on fighting. MrC, one time, even slept in the car after walking out in the middle of an argument!

Here’s the thing. Going to bed angry doesn’t have to mean sweeping problems under the rug. For us it means giving ourselves time to cool our heads. It means buying time to think things through in order to find a reasonable compromise. It means being able to approach the situation with clearer, rested heads. We’ve been able to find better solutions to problems both big and small this way.

Many might disagree with me on this, and for a lot of people this might not necessarily work. But I no longer believe that it’s a huge fault to sleep angry. On the contrary, I see it instead as an opportunity to hit reset, and start over fresh.

Lo and behold, age-old marriage wisdom ignored, we are still here. 18 years together this year, 11 years living in one house, and 6 years married. So far so good.

mrspcuyugan
This is us in 2008! His face says he’s happy, but don’t his arms look like they’re trying to strangle me? Lol.

Remember, there are countless ways to say you’re sorry in the morning without having to use words. It’s a whole lot better than having to face an entire night of fighting. What I mean, of course, is hugging, cuddling, and laughing it out. What were you thinking? Lol.

So, make me kwento. Do you follow that “Don’t go to bed angry” advice? Or do you choose to ignore it like we do?

7 Tips for a Happy Married Life

Ah, newlywed bliss. Would that it could last forever. I always feel extra cheesy and lovey dovey after coming from a wedding. I think it’s a girl thing.  Or maybe it’s a wife thing. It’s definitely a MrsC thing.

Our friends and relatives are (finally) tying the knot one by one. We went to a wedding last month and another just yesterday.  We have another one happening soon,  and a few more after that. So much love in the air. I lovette!

 

Congrats @theallanlazo and Daine! By @paulvincentcuyugan “Best wishes, newlyweds. #allananddaine2014” via @PhotoRepost_app

A photo posted by MrsC | Patricia Cuyugan (@mrspcuyugan) on

Being the old married couple that I feel we are (I mean hello, 3 years of marriage, 6 years of living together, 8 years as parents and a total of 15 years as a couple), we most definitely have had our share of heavenly highs and hellish lows. Even so, because none of my siblings or super close friends have gotten married yet, I’ve never had the chance to share any marriage wisdom at a wedding. I realized this last night.

So, I have decided to share what I’ve learned about love, relationships and marriage here on the blog just because I can. Also because these are things that we have tried and tested throughout the years, and they have worked out well for us so far. 

Here are my 7 tips for a happy married life 

1. Happy wife = happy life. Happy husband = happy wife = happy life

99% of the time, MrC gives me what I want. Whether it’s an ice cream sundae late at night or a new Samsung Galaxy Tab (yay, thank you, MrC!), if he can find a way to get it for me, he will. Happy wife, check. But see, it doesn’t start and end with him spoiling me. Ladies, we have to do our part, too.

 

Breakfast for two. #CornedBeef especially requested by the sick boy @paulvincentcuyugan. A photo posted by MrsC | Patricia Cuyugan (@mrspcuyugan) on

I firmly believe that your husband will spoil you if you deserve to be spoiled. And really, it isn’t hard to keep them happy. Surprise them with their favorite meal. Let them go hang out with the boys every once in a while. Let them pick the movie or TV show to watch for a change. When your husband is happy, he will want to make you happy, too. And if you’re happy, you should want to make him happy, too. Then comes the happy life.

2. Keep a scorecard of good things, not of bad ones.

One thing that is sure to trigger an argument between MrC and I is when one of us brings up the other’s mistakes or shortcomings. It’s hard not to be a nag, and it’s hard not to say I told you so when you turn out to be right. But sometimes reverse psychology is in order.

Remember, some fights are just not worth getting into
Remember, some fights are just not worth getting into

What I mean is, there are ways of saying things that resonate better. Option A: “Hey I don’t like it when you forget to flush the toilet after you pee”. Option B “Hey, I really appreciate it when you flush the toilet after peeing. Please keep doing that, ok?” See? Choose wisely.

3. It’s okay to go to sleep angry. But start tomorrow with a hug and a kiss.

Unless you are the type who doesn’t mind arguing until the break of dawn, I say just go to sleep angry and allow yourself to cool your head. Just make sure that as soon as you wake up, brush it off and make peace. Hug it out, kiss it out, or do whatever it is you do to make peace in the morning. 

Make each day a happy one
Make each day a happy one

4. Forgive and forget. Or if you really can’t forget, fake it til you make it.

Let me make one thing clear, this doesn’t mean lying to your spouse or pretending to be ok when you aren’t. It only means that you should forgive wholeheartedly, and move on from whatever issue you guys just overcame. It’s not easy to get over hurt. Believe me, I know. But when you commit to forgiveness, moving forward comes with it.

Look for the rainbow after the rain, and know that things will be ok
Look for the rainbow after the rain, and know that things will be ok

Take as long as you need to forget, but while you’re at it there’s no need to keep bringing up the issue. Sometimes all you need to do to really get over the hurt is to get over yourself and start seeing things from a different perspective.

5. Be embarrassingly silly together.

MrC and I have been together for so long that he’s had to wash my butt after pooping (before an operation, I was strapped on to an IV tube, okay?) and I’ve had to cut his crazy toe nails more than once. We use the bathroom at the same time, and no it’s not for sexy time. We basically have nothing to hide from each other, so much so that we can be 100% silly together.

At our wedding rehearsal
At our wedding rehearsal

We dance, we sing, we meow at each other, even. We fart in each others’ faces as a joke. True story. Sometimes we act like even bigger kids than our child, but that’s what keeps our marriage fun. Guess it helps that we basically grew up together, so we know and remember how much fun it was being carefree kids together.

6. Be on the same page.

Being on the same page, for us, means heading towards the same goal. It doesn’t necessarily mean that we employ the same means, but we do aim for the same outcome. Basically, it doesn’t matter if you’re on different paragraphs, as long as you’re on the same page. Makes sense?

It may be just a small thing, but we can never decide what to order. Eventually, one of us will have to take charge.
It may be just a small thing, but we can never decide what to order. Eventually, one of us will have to take charge.

7. Put your spouse first, even for just one day out of the week.

It’s not easy finding time to put your spouse first. That’s the truth. After the wedding, it usually feels like there’s the two of you, and then there’s the rest of the world. Well, it didn’t work that way for us. Even on our wedding day there was Little MrC to think about. And realistically speaking, once you become parents, that’s how it’s gonna be. 

These two share the #1 spot
These two share the #1 spot 

As a compromise, make one day husband or wife day. For just one day out of the week, put his or her needs first. Trust me, your kids will be fine with it. They may even cooperate with you and join in on daddy or mommy day. And I promise you, your spouse will appreciate the extra attention, or the extra hour of sleep. 

After 15 years of being with the same person whose mood changes just as quickly as mine can, I now believe that newlywed bliss can last forever. It just needs a bit of work. It’s hard but not impossible. You both just have to want it and work on it. No. Matter. What.

How do you keep the newlywed bliss alive in your marriage?

MrC and the Bachelor Party

Last Saturday after a very long day, the kiddo and I dropped MrC off at a nearby McDonalds so that his high school buddies could pick him up on their way to an out of town bachelor party. Imagine that, a bachelor party, and an out of town one! I had no qualms about him going because I knew all the guys that he would be hanging out with, and their wives and girlfriends, too. These were friends that we grew up with, and I am actually really excited that another one of them is finally tying the knot. It’ll be fun having more married couples to hang out with!

MrC with the boys at our wedding
MrC with the boys at our wedding

 

So anyway, while MrC was off with the boys, I figured I would get a bit of writing done. I was gonna be home alone with a sleeping child on a Saturday, after all. So I picked up a coffee float at the drive through on our way home, tucked the kid in, and proceeded to work. I got some drafts out, plus a blog post. At close to midnight, I decided I should try to get some sleep. I knew I would be taking the kiddo to football in the morning, and I refused to be a zombie for that.

 

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@mcdo_ph #Coffee Float-ing on a Saturday night coz I have lotsa writing to do. MrC is off to an out of town bachelor party and the little boy is about to sleep. Work mode, on! #WAHMLife #NoGimikForMe

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Thing is, I couldn’t sleep. And, ironically, I found myself missing things that I would normally be complaining about. The bed suddenly seemed so spacious with just the kid and I. Normally I’d be cranky in the morning because I wouldn’t get much space to myself. My blanket was on, nice and snug. There wasn’t anyone at the other end, rolling himself into it like a piece of tuna in the middle of sushi, pulling it away from me. The room was cold and quiet, with no annoying teeth grinding or snoring. It was a completely ideal setup for sleeping but I just couldn’t sleep. 

Siksik in bed at Taal Vista Hotel during our anniversary last year
Siksik in bed at Taal Vista Hotel during our anniversary last year

 

I guess that MrC’s Saturday sleepover served as life’s little reminder that you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone. Lucky for me, it wasn’t really gone. In fact, less than 12 hours after we had dropped him off, MrC showed up at our front door just in time to greet everyone good morning. He was home a lot earlier than we had expected, and it was a really pleasant surprise. Guess he must have missed us, too.